Posted by: LeLe Chan | March 24, 2006

No Pain, no gain?

Firsttime_1 EVERYTHING HURTS!!!

I'm 30 weeks and 3 days pregnant…and ready to evict this girl from my belly.  My back aches, my ribs ache, my legs ache, my boobs ache, my ankles ache, my shoulders ache…I don't think there's any part of me that doesn't ache. *sigh*

Not only does everything hurt, but I have officially stopped feeling cute.  I'm now just huge.  There's nothing cute about huge.  I waddle about and avoid looking at my reflection because all I see are lumps where there were once curves.  I feel like my sanity's hanging by a thread, because seriously, the next person to point how huge I am is going to get my fist in their mouth.  FYI – I know I'm H-U-G-E…I don't need you to remind me nor inform me that I'm only gonna get bigger.  Thanks.  I mean, were you worried that I perhaps hadn't noticed my increasing size???  How long did you think I was going to let you get away with commenting on my largness???  COME ON! 

I am now 139lbs, I have 10 fat fingers, 2 swollen ankles, no feet that I can see, 2 massive D-cups that are starting to ooze on me, 2 chins, 1 inside-out belly button, and a HUGE medicine ball where my abdomen use to be.  Do you get now why I can't wait to GET HER OUT?  I mean, I love her and all…but she needs to get out already or I'll lose it!

On a lighter note, Allan and I have started taking our pre-natal classes and are loving it.  I'm finding it nice to see other women suffering just like me…misery loves company.  Allan on the other hand finds it quite educational.  He says the cutest things (out loud) in class such as "so that's what a uterus is!"  Apparently up until that point he thought Kiana was actually swimming around in my stomach.  When I laughed, he defended himself by pointing out that he took Earth Sciences instead of Biology.  (Mental note: make sure to emphasize the importance of education to offspring.)  Really though, he's the cutest thing in class, taking notes on labour preparation and intently watching the birthing videos. 

It was after watching one of these birthing videos that we decided it's in our best interest to have a Doula present while I'm in labour.  For those unfamiliar, a Doula is someone who coaches  and supports you through labour.  I know what you're thinking: Why would I need a Doula, isn't that what my mother and husband are for?  1: I need a calming prescence with me in the delivery room.  2: Neither Allan nor my mother are calming.  They're so alike, and in stressful/frustrating situations, they both manage to drive me BONKERS!  I love them, but it would be safer for all of us if a Doula were there to soothe & calm me as well…a neutral party to keep everyone in check.

Lastly, I've decided to change this baby's name to Squirmy…cuz that's what she is…one squirmy child.  I really wish I knew what it was that she's doing in there, cuz it feels sort of like she's practicing yoga or interprative dance!  And she's not even discreet about it.  I was in a meeting this morning and caught some coworkers staring at my (huge) belly…and sure enough she was squirming about in there!  She squirms so much you can actually see her moving…kind of like that scene from Aliens?  It's pretty amazing to watch, yet at the same time it looks pretty creepy. 

…67 days to go…

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